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The words that don't come.



                
               The thoughts in my head don’t translate into sentences on the page. The hurt in my heart doesn’t come out as words. How can I say what I have been through? Up until now, I could not find a way to share with you my life without bogging you down with a story that started over two and a half years ago. Last night, I found out how to put it:
                Jesus may or may not calm the storm, but he always wants to get into the boat. (John 6:16-21)
                Storms have bombarded me the last couple months and they haven’t ceased as of yet. Some days the only way I got through was by listing all the blessings that I had. If you piled all the hurt on one side of a scale and dumped all the blessings on the other, I can tell you what it felt like. The hurt seemed to pull down so much that the blessings would never be able to make a comeback. But, when I wrote them down, I saw that God had no shortage of good things to do for me, no matter how beaten up I felt.
Spiritually, I felt like I was being kicked over and over again while I was already down, but God had to teach me that he was always there to pick me back up and carry me on his shoulders if need be.
The tears are not over. In fact, today has been a rough day, but I have to look forward to the day when I am with God and he points to this time in my life and says, “That free cup of coffee was me grabbing your hand. That phone call with a friend was me pulling you back to your feet. That dreamless sleep was me putting you on my shoulders.”
I know that hurt will come in the steps ahead, but I also know that God knows exactly when he’s going to have to pick me up.

Comments

  1. I don't know what your problem is, but it sounds...hard. That's all I can say. And God knows definitely how He has to help someone who's in trouble! Go girl!

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  2. I know what that's like. When stuff is so hard that even as a writer, I can't find the right words. It is SO HARD when you just can't even...write it. :) Keep trusting, Alyson. Here's a hug.

    - Amanda F

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